After the War – Can we Cooperate?

“There are but two parties now, Traitors and Patriots.”
Ulysses Simpson Grant – April 21, 1861.
“The war is over – the rebels are our countrymen again.”
Ulysses Simpson Grant – April 9, 1865.
The quotes above summarize the start and the end of the American Civil War.
The second quote jumped out at me because it’s what must happen after the divorce where children are involved. Never mind anymore who “won” or “lost” the war – it’s time for healing and moving onward.
The first quote describes the extreme polarization that is so very common in divorce and the idea that the other side are traitors. The quote is attributed to General Grant shortly after the American Civil War commenced by way of the Confederate militia attacking Fort Sumter in Charleston on April 12, 1861.
The second quote refers to the shift in duties and obligations after General Lee’s surrender, after the civil war had raged for four years, caused 600,000 lost lives, countless injuries and immeasurable sorrow.
Yes there was clearly a “good side” and “bad side”. After decades of division due to views on slavery, in the early 1860s the Confederates began their secession (disunion) plans. The Confederates had adopted a provisional constitution and declared themselves the Confederate States of America. The war itself was ignited by the Confederate attack on Fort Sumter.
The Confederates began expropriating federal property which they said was in their borders. They held Fort Sumter under siege for several months. Though things were very bad for the Unionists holed up in Fort Sumter, they held on as long as they could. After some fevered but unfruitful negotiations between the Union and the Confederates, the inhabitants of Fort Sumter were advised by the Confederates that they would be attacked in one hour’s time.
Then the shelling of American against American began that morning.
The attack on Fort Sumter shocked the Union. U.S. volunteers were quickly mobilized to defend. Ulysses Grant threw himself into the cause of defending the nation. Grant became a very effective general and by 1864 he took command of the entire Union Army. General Grant fought so hard that the First Lady referred to him as a “butcher.” On April 9, 1865 the Civil War came to an end when General Lee accepted from General Grant the terms of surrender. General Grant sent a telegram to Abraham Lincoln to advise of the surrender. As General Grant rode away, he began to hear celebratory gunshots and cheers from the Union soldiers. Grant did not approve of this celebrating. He sent a message down through the ranks. “The war is over. The rebels are our countrymen again.”
The Union won the war and established the U.S.A. as one nation and ended slavery.
People often liken divorce to warfare. People want to win at all costs. However, when the dust settles, if the parties share children, there is still a family there.